I respected my old boss, but I noticed that she sometimes tormented selected employees, and I saw a few brought to tears in her office. She never attacked me, though, maybe because I did good work--but also maybe because of my Y chromosome.
         Sometimes I would hang out in her office for 10 or 15 minutes, discussing work or philosophizing. Once she was multi-tasking, conversing with me across her overflowing desk and squinting myopically through thick lenses while disdainfully attacking reports with a red felt pen, tearing apart the work of her employees.
 “I believe in looking for the good, and praising it,” I offered. “Absolutely not,” she shot back, “my job is to find mistakes.” Oh well.
         I still think she was wrong. Inadequacies and mistakes abound, no denying it. But how you look at them makes all the difference. Suppose I’m doing physical therapy with an older person who can barely walk. I could say, “Well Mr. Smith, your legs are really weak, your balance is terrible, and you don’t plan your movements very well.” I could say that, but I don’t. Instead, I focus on something the person can do well, then move from that solid foundation to something more challenging: “Wow, you really are able to roll well from side to side, and I’m so glad you’re able to move yourself from lying down to sitting up at the edge of the bed. You know, I work with a lot of people who can’t do that--it’s incredibly valuable that you can. OK, now, let’s stand up and work on your balance...”
         That approach works a lot better. Confidence is the key to meeting most any challenge. Some arrogant people perhaps need to be shot down occasionally, and unrealistic people might need reminders about real-life limitations. But for the most part, if you help build the confidence of others, you’ll be doing the world a huge favor. Accentuate the positive.